“Looks to me as if they are a couple”, Oliver commented with a gentle smile, and nodded at them. I looked around at him and nodded too. Some part of me suddenly wanted that too. It couldn’t ever totally be though could it, not when I loved both Tristan and Oliver, unable to let either go.
Oliver sensed my strange emotion and tightened his hold on me just a little; he didn’t kiss me but put his cheek against mine and rocked me slightly. How was I ever going to give up Oliver I thought and as I put my arms up around his neck and held his head to mine gently I could actually hear Tristan as he had said I miss you Chloe are you with Oliver. I sighed, how was I ever going to give up Tristan?
Later, Oliver and I were walking back through the churchyard to the car park, it was a soft night, the satin air was back; Oliver had his arm around me. We stopped at the end of the path and he went down the step and turned to me. I slowly hugged him to me. I was kissing him and he kissed me too. I felt as if we were wrapped in silk, just softly merging into each other. It was a moment of complete sensation, all I could feel was Oliver’s kiss, and I put my hands up into his shirt where it was out of his jeans. I wanted to feel his skin and I traced my fingers around his waist and up his back to his shoulders. I was pressed against him and kissing him. I heard him catch his breath and he suddenly let go of me. He moved slightly from me, his arms by his side. I stopped kissing him as he whispered, “Chloe, I don’t know if you know”, then he took a breath, “if you know what you are doing”. I took my hands out of his shirt and put them behind my back. I moved a little away from him I wasn’t sure and so I didn’t speak, I just stood there looking down at the ground. He took my hand and we went on to the car park, silently. When we got to the Landrover Oliver gave me a quick hug. “We’re ok?” it was a question about what had happened back there at the entrance to the church pathway. “Yes I think so”, I told him and he smiled opening the door.
On the drive home, I was thinking about that moment when all I wanted to do was feel his skin and the way we seemed to be wrapped in silk. It was the first time I had realized there was something different now about the way I felt with Oliver and the way I felt with Tristan.
Oliver broke my reverie. ‘You’re deep in thought Chloe?”
I made myself smile. “Sorry Oliver”.
He didn’t say anything else.
At my house, he came to the door with me, and just held my hand as he kissed me quickly. “I think I will go Chloe, because it’s quite late now”.
I was crushed. Oliver always hung out a little even when it was late. He knew it of course and suddenly relented, he put his arms around me and kissed me again this time not quickly. “I love you so much” he said, “remember that”.
Then he sighed, “I am going though, I have to”, and he smiled. I watched him drive away from my doorway. I was thinking had I somehow driven him away, concluding no that I couldn’t have because after all, he had just told me he loved me.